Another Death, Another Life

I’ve died again.

Not literally, obviously, but figuratively. We all have deaths of ourselves throughout our lives, or at least, death of phases of ourselves. This death was fast, painful, and unexpected, but I’m coming to realize, good.

With every death of ourselves a new life begins. We become the people we turn into and leave behind our past selves. Once we hit a certain age, though, there are some things about us that won’t change, but there are still plenty of changes that can occur. Sometimes the changes are subtle, perhaps a changing viewpoint. Other changes, however, can make our personalities into something completely opposite of what other people—and ourselves—once knew.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve already died in this lifetime. At this point, I think it would take a supercomputer to figure that out, or at least someone really good with an abacus.

With every major death I have thought about the person I was going to become and wondered where that person would take me in life. While I admit I have done that a little bit with this new death, overall I’ve hardly thought about it. The reason being is I know from past deaths that thinking about it won’t make getting adjusted into the new life any faster, easier, or better. I drove myself crazy with questions that I had no answers to and I refuse to put myself through at least that portion again.

I don’t know how I’ll turn out when I do get adjusted into this new life I am coming into. I know I’ll be different, but not in what ways. The only thing I know for sure is I’ll be stronger. I always am after a death. Confidence levels, allotment of self-esteem, overall personality, these and more are traits in which I will just have to wait and find out how they turn out.

I’d like to think I have a say in how I turn out, but I really don’t. It’s a natural process. In the nature vs. nurture debate, which I have studied at length, I believe nurture plays only a very tiny part, if any, really, in how we turn out. It is nature, our individual souls and personalities, which shapes and defines us. I’m not trying to open up a debate here, just stating my opinion after much research over the years.

While thinking about this personal death/life thing today, I had a quantum leap of hope for the future happen inside me. It was nothing more than a cellular spark from deep within, but it happened; I felt it, and still feel it within me. From creating life, to having an idea, to even the Chaos theory, we all know that one tiny spark can lead us on a path to bigger and brighter things. This spark led to hope. Let’s see where it takes me from there.