R.J. Dennis

Oh, the title sounds so quaint, doesn’t it? It’s the sipping cocoa part. Those words conjure up images of being curled up on the couch in front of a fireplace with a book and blanket on a cold winter night. Steaming mug of homemade cocoa on a stand beside the couch. Lovely thought.

And then I slap ya in the face with reality.

While, yes, I am sipping from a steaming mug of freshly homemade cocoa, there is no couch, no fireplace, no blanket, but I have the cold winter night. Sort of. It’s been unusually warm in these parts lately. I’m waiting for winter to actually hit around February 1st, like it did last year when we ended up with a freakin’ snowpocalipse. And the only book in sight is the one I’m writing.

In fact, I’m sitting in the kitchen again, ass sore from sitting for most of the day writing and job hunting online. I’m job hunting because I was fired from my job of 12 years and 7 months this past Tuesday, our first day back from holiday. Not anyone’s fault but my own. Although, if I hadn’t been forced to work 2 jobs from November of 2010 to October 2011, 77 hours a week Monday-Friday, getting only 3-4 hours of sleep a night if I was lucky, barely eating, and utterly destroying my body in the process, I wouldn’t have gotten the 4 write-ups I did during that time for missing work. I also would not have had a hard of a time as I did adjusting to transferring to day shift last month at my long-time job like I did, as my body was still trying to recover from the 11 month stint as a zombie. It was because of this transfer that I was screwing up too many books. I got 3 quality reports against me in as many weeks. I had never gotten even 2 in a row before. But 3 quality reports equals a write-up and your 5th write-up in a year equals termination.

During the day I was working as a cook. I had taken over for my mom whom could no longer work. I had to support both of us and couldn’t do it with just the money from my long-time night job. I had been looking for a second job for some months to no avail. Obviously it’s a crappy job market out there. I felt horrid having to look for a second job, while there were millions of people out there still looking for just one job. But, I had to do what I had to do. Eventually I had to take over for my mom cooking at the restaurant I practically grew up in and had worked at from the time I was 9 until I was 17.

My old, long-time job was working in a large book warehouse where we housed books we bought from publishers and then sold them to school and public libraries. It was a manual-labor job I did and while it was a dead-end job, most days I didn’t mind going in, as hello! books! Books have always made me happy. I have over 800 physical books, around 300 audiobooks, and about 200 ebooks. That’s just my personal library. I really didn’t mind going into work after the nearest bookstore, Borders, closed down last year. There were plenty of times when I would take a half-day from work and go to Borders after. But when they closed, the only place I could surround myself with books was work.

Two manual labor jobs on practically no sleep and barely any food for almost a year isn’t healthy. When I could no longer work both jobs, I gave my two-week notice to my boss at the restaurant. Almost immediately after not working there anymore, I could feel just how much damage I did to my body. It isn’t pretty. I’m still suffering the consequences. I am far worse off than I have let onto anyone. Soon I will have no insurance and thus, will not be able to get anything fixed. Eh, oh well. I’m not a fan of doctors anyway.

With going from 2 jobs to 1 down to no job, you’d think I’d be depressed. I thought I would, too, if it ever happened. Instead, I am the opposite. I actually have a good outlook. Transferring to day shift was a life-changer for me. It allowed me the freedom to finally have a social life. The few times I did go out, I had fun. Most of the time, though, was still spent in my room sleeping, writing, or watching telly. As much as I wanted to go out, it was a hard concept to actually DO it. I practically had to be forced out of the house the few times I did. What pleased me most, though, was the ability of time I had to write. During the week-and-half holiday we had from work, I really dove into my writing again. This gave me a sense of pleasure I hadn’t been able to have in over a year-and-a-half. Somehow, I think that pleasure expanded into other areas of my life and caused me to realize that getting fired is probably part of the plan for my new turn in life.

In an earlier post, I talked about how at the beginning of last year I wanted to be dead, and at the end of last year, I had a brand-new start in life. While being unemployed wasn’t part of my plan, I think it’s clear it was part of life’s plan for me. I mean, 2 days after I get fired, I post my short story for sale on Amazon and Smashwords. I’m considering going back to school again. I’m considering trying other things that I never did before. All of this is brand new to me and I’m actually looking forward to it all.

Unless, of course, senility has finally kicked in. I may be only 34 now, but I seem to have the short-term memory of a gnat. If senility is the case, I guess I can look forward to everything being new every day.